


It's A Start

by Vestas_Kitchen



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Developing Relationship, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-08 02:11:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10375527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vestas_Kitchen/pseuds/Vestas_Kitchen
Summary: Todd throws Dirk out of the apartment. For about three minutes.





	

Dirk Gently was forever, irrevocably going to be surprised by the ability of humans to give ‘mixed signals’. When one person stages a dashing rescue for another involving a grappling hook, a stolen taxi and a truly unbelievable amount of PCP, one might begin to suspect there may be some underlying emotion there? However, when the same person throws the other out of the apartment after only _three_ small incidental kitchen fires, there seems to be a certain disparity between those two events.

And it was only a _very_ small fire. Not like the one in Bucharest back in 2014, the one on the case with the invisible rock band and teleporting raincoat- that had been a fire. Really, this one had only managed to take out the oven, and the fridge was only slightly singed.

But Todd still thought it was enough to throw him out, even after Dirk explained that in the list of kitchen incidents he’d been involved in or, indeed, started, this one was very low down on the list. Actually, Todd seemed even more reluctant to let him stay post that conversation though the door of the apartment they were were now _technically_ squatting in due to the unfortunate fate of the building’s previous landlord.

“Dirk, I can’t afford to keep replacing everything you end up destroying!”

“Yes you can, Todd!” Dirk whined through the keyhole, which was actually quite unnecessary due to the fact that Todd was leaning on the door since it still didn’t lock properly and was still trying to make Dirk stay outside in the corridor and could hear him perfectly clearly, but using the keyhole was much more dramatic and it seemed like the correct thing to do in this precise situation. “Look, the universe will decide what needs to be done. If I wasn’t _supposed_ to forget that there was baking paper in the tray and nearly burn down the Ridgley, I wouldn’t’ve. _Clearly,_ it’s the universe’s way of telling us that you need to remodel your kitchen, and thus the universe will provide.”

“I honestly don’t think the universe accounts for you being a shitty cook, Dirk.”

“I am _not_!”

“Last week you blew up the microwave by trying to dry your jacket in it!”

… That was a fair point. And it hadn’t gone well for the jacket or the microwave. Though really, you shouldn’t always expect a negative result when using kitchen appliances for purposes aside from their intended ones. Blenders, for instance- good for blending things, excellent impromptu motors for when one is stuck in a small fishing boat in the Baltic sea with a rather undersized goat.

Still, _vis-a-vis_ the current apartment situation…

“That was a previously untested hypothesis and now we know the results, we know it should never be replicated.”

“Most people could guess that putting a jacket with _metal zippers_ in a microwave won’t turn out well.”

Clearly, this rational rally of dialogue was not going to get him back in the flat. Briefly, Dirk considered going around the outside of the building and climbing up the fire escape and breaking in through the window, if anything for the nostalgia of the first night they met, but it occurred to him that Todd would be just as likely to block him entering by holding down the window just like he was doing now with the door, and it was very unlikely that Dirk could get from the window back to the door if he intended to use breaking in as a distraction to get Todd away from the door so that Dirk could come back in. Not for the first time, Dirk regretted handing over the time machine to the police detective before that mysterious arson at the precinct, because abuse of time travel was always perfect in situations like this.

Sulking on the floor with his bottom lip out, Dirk pondered. If Todd decided to never let him back in, Dirk wondered, where was he going to live? He supposed he could live with Farah, in the little apartment above the agency office, but that was half the size of Todd’s place, which was only meant for one person anyways. He could always track down Lydia Spring in Central America, or the murderous scarecrow and her electrician wizard friend. At a stretch, and a long stretch, almost breaking-point stretch, he could perhaps tolerate living in The Beast with the Rowdy 3 and Amanda.

With no real good alternative options, Dirk reconsidered. One’s dignity, even when one has very little, if any, to begin with, is always worth sacrificing to avoid living in a van with a coven of vampire rockers. Pleading was now the only viable solution.

“ _Tooodddddd,_ ” Dirk begged, leaning his head pathetically against the wood and making puppy-dog eyes at the doorknob, which itself was quite indifferent to the whole situation, “Let me back _iiinnn.”_

“Are you going to use the kitchen again, Dirk?”

“I can’t make any assurances, but I can guarantee that any culinary endeavours will be nipped in the bud mentally before they can come to fruition fully.”  
  
“In English?”   
  
“I won’t use the kitchen unless I’m forced to.”   
  
Dirk heard Todd give one of his signature exasperated sighs, and moved away from the door so that Todd could open it, positioning himself cross-legged on the other side of the corridor, grinning expectantly at his haggard flatmate, who was still glaring at him slightly though tired eyes.

“Promise me, Dirk.”

Obliged, Dirk made the customary sign over his chest. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”  
  
Todd snorted, and held the door open while Dirk picked himself up off the floor. When Dirk was comfortably settled back onto the sofa, Todd grabbed his wallet containing the new Holistic Detective Agency debit card, and made towards the door he’d been guarding not half a minute ago.

“Since you seemed to need cookies so badly,” he said, glancing over at the scorched oven, “and we really don’t want to buy a whole new kitchen- despite what the universe may think-” he quickly added, seeing Dirk open his mouth, “I’m going to the store. Don’t touch the kitchen.”

Dirk watched him leave, and as he listened to Todd’s footsteps plod down the stairs of the Ridgely, he once again had time to wonder about the ability to give mixed messages, and how he could ever figure out the motivations of  a man who would make him temporarily homeless; yet let him back in the apartment in less than five minutes and go out to buy him cookies, and whether acting on any undisclosed feeling that he may or may not have would terminate the assiss-friendship that they already had.

But at least, for now, he was securely back in the apartment, was going nowhere, and… whatever he and Todd had seemed positive, and for the most part long-lasting, aside from any developments, mutual or otherwise, that there were.

“Well,” whispered Dirk, to no-one in particular who was definitely listening, but several people who might be listening, “It’s a start.”


End file.
